FiyaStarter.com - In The Dining Room With Big Earl

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“I'm completely wrong.”
-Steve Smith
Panthers receiver, rumored character
in next Punisher film.

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No this isn’t a formal gathering, it's rambling with America’s resident angry black man, Big Earl at his dining room table where he watches sports on his 13-inch TV and reflects on life. Grab a chair and listen up as Earl pulls back the memories of days past almost as feverishly as he pulls back on his lit menthol of choice, all the while reflecting on today's events. You’re now in the dining room and Earl is speaking from the big chair.

"Man, if that was a nigga..."
by: Big Earl, for Social/General

"Man, if that was a Nigga..."

Nine of 10 black people will tell you that the above sentiment is the most concrete evidence of the racist double-standard African-Americans have faced throughout their history. It is entirely based upon the notion (read: fact) that the dumb shit done by white people would be seen as an unpardonable sin if done by a black person. If Will left Jada for Halle and got her pregnant and started adopting kids from Africa and shit, that nigga might as well call it a wrap. White people will not go see that dude's movies anymore. He'll be starring with Morris Chesnutt in a buddy cop comedy, which pretty much signifies the end of the road for a young black actor. But, Brad Pitt can do shit like that. He can fuck a Martian and adopt a baby from Jupiter and white people will eat it up with a spoon and make lil' t-shirts about it. If Will Smith fucked a bitch from Mars...please. A nigga can barely fuck a female Earthling without getting hate, so you can imagine what's going to happen if he poked a chick from Mars.

Winners of the "Man, if that was a Nigga..." Award for the week ending 11/3/07:

Martina Hingis

As soon as I heard this former number one tennis player, had not only tested positive for cocaine, but was immediately retiring from the sport (running), while maintaining her “innocence,” I thought to myself, Man, if that was a William---err---I mean a Nigga, they would have stripped her of every title she’d won, burned every extension in her head that she bought with her winnings and sent her father on a boat to West Africa.

Andy Reid

When the judge that sentenced Andy Reid’s sons to 23 months in jail likened the house that they live in, which just happens to be the home of their Philadelphia Eagles head coaching dad to a “drug emporium,” I waited for the fallout, but there hasn’t been one yet. Man, if that was a Nigga, his job in the NFL would have been gone quickier than wing-dings at a fight party. I mean, Commisioner Roger Goddell is the one that said “people living in your house are your responsibility,” (*see Mike Vick) right?

thumbs down to you

Francis Ford Coppola

Recently, Francis had harsh criticism for Robert Dinero and Al Pacino remarking that they were “lazy" and "living off the land.” And as my grandson would say, he went "all the way in" on Jack Nicholas calling him a “waste of talent,” for his happy go lucky lifestyle. I know, I know; he’s a legend and he directed the Godfather Trilogy (as in including Part III), but in all fairness, he also executive produced two Jeepers Creepers and…ahhh fuck all that. Man, if that was a nigga, every actor in Hollywood would have been forbidden to work with his ass for a century or risk being sentenced to a New Line Cinema three picture deal with Morris Chestnut and the dude that played Joe on The Facts of Life.

Britney Spears

Only a bald, white drugged up negligent mother of two that can’t complete a sentence without the word “Y’all” could have the number one album in the country after all these problems. Man, if that was a Nigga, the extent of her airtime would have been calling into the local urban radio station for a chance to win them Shalamar reunion tickets. People better buy Whitney's next CD.

Jerry Buss

If I told you a famous Laker caught a DUI with a 23-year-old chick riding shotgun back in May, what type of disciplinary action do you think Commissioner Stern would have given him? Certainly not a two game “suspension” and $25,000 fine. Look, I understand he’s the owner, but shouldn’t that hold him to an even higher standard? Man, if that was a Nigga, that played for his team, he would have been suspended for 14 games and had his paycheck direct deposited to the Orange County yacht club. If that was a black owner, his team would have been given away in a raffle.

Dog The Bounty Hunter

Cut the BS. He called that girl the N word. They don’t even want to let that rapper boy Nas use it and HE’S BLACK! Man, if that was a Nigga, it wouldn’t have been an issue, because WE can do it, but Dog is white so he’s got to fry. I see they’ve taken the initial steps, but A&E better not try to Imus this up and keep him on the shelf for a hot second then bring him back on another channel. I’ve got my eye on this dirty fake ass Diamond Dallas Page.